18/02/2010

Any advice?

Basically what do I take out of this adventure? I don't dare to think what do you take out of it. Life is too short and moves to quickly, it would be too pretentious for me to believe that my story could touch you in any kind of way.

As you know this blog was created, above all, to allow me to rest and reach a wider audience this way avoiding to repeat on and on what was happening. But, now, when I look back, I believe that all the posts can reach anyone with similar cancer. It might help someone face it with a smile and believe that it is possible to come out ot the problem, positive and as a winner.

It is important to mention that my situation was pretty positive from the start. Would I have been told that I had a few months/years to live, the story would have been significantly different and my advice below would need to be different in some aspects.

So, here we go:

- Cry out when you get the news, but rise above next day and face the situation. There is no point in making a drama (well, you need to measure what doctors tell you about your chances), you need your strength to face the challenge.
- Tell everyone if you feel like. Or don't tell if you don't, but remember you will need some kind of support, so some people need to know.
- All things are relative, keep your humour. If anyone around you comes up with a crying scene recall them that you are the one with the cancer and needing support. And if A tells you that B has a depression, recommend a cancer to B. The depression wil go away in no time.
- The hair is falling? Shave it straight away. It will grow back. If the stock exchanges were going up so quickly after financial crises we would be happier in the bank.
- Once at the hospital smile and keep a normal routine. Smiling is good and cheers up the ones around you, patients and staff. The routine is important. You are on treatment, not on the death row. Walk, buy the newspaper, get a computer and read your e-mails, sms your friends, watch DVD's (maybe avoid dramas at 7 a.m.), put your face cream...
- No comments on hospital food....be strong and face the battle.
- Ask for help whenever and as soon as needed. Feeling nausea? Get antisickness. Feeling little pain in stomach? Get paracetamol...
- Take a treatment at a time, don't rationalize it too much before happening.
- Remember, everything may be over in no time and once done you will forget it quickly. The emotional process can heal quickly (depending on your strength).
- Watch out. When you go back to normality the body is still not up to spead. Hear your body.

And above all be a bit unconscious. Why the need to know everything in detail? As my friend E. would say, don't read the medicine description and side effects or you will feel it immediately. Some friends kept me asking questions about my cancer (they are your friends so they do care) and in some cases I just thought what do I care. The important for me was to know: What do I have? What are the chances of successful treatment? Is the treatment going well? Am I cured and can it come back? Apart from this I am not in this adventure to become a PHD in the matter.

Oh! And on the subject of cancer as a turning point in your life or a moment where you find your true friends. People often consider cancer as one of these defining moments where you re-visit your life and you change a lot of things: work, lovers, friends.

- In my specific case, I don't think the shock was big enough to make me change anything. So, yes I am going back to work (same work as before) and I go on living in London. I am not becoming a hippie. Hippiness doesn't pay credit card bills :-). Money doesn't make happiness...but can help. So, yes I still care about my bonus. I just hope I am able to convince myself to leave the office a bit earlier than usual. Having said this, again, if I had been told the situation was darker and would have it got darker, than I think that you then may start thinking about changing your life.

- On friends and family. Yes you may get closer to your family. Though sometimes you don't have much to tell them on those daily calls. Friends....you confirm the true ones and you may find new ones. I am priviliged that I confirmed the very good friends I have, I have found new ones and I had one disappointment. One only, not bad. But true friendship allows for understanding and forgiveness, so I shall still be a friend.

Miguel

5 comments:

Sinapse said...

... and that's all folks! A happy ending! :) :) A they lived happily ever after ending! We looove it!!! We love you!

Sinapse said...

... and now start a socio-political fukitol, please!

Cão Traste said...

no no it is only finished tomorrow.

Ariadne said...

This is not the end, but the beginning! Enjoy! Um beijo.

Micha said...

Just love your writing, your humour and the way you take life! Well done Miguel! wish you all the best!
Beijos, muitos!